Terrible idea for a black box

What, are you going to glory hole your tattoo?

Where there's smoke there's fire (Graham's offensive title suggestion as well!)

"It'd be great if Giuliani was tweeting dick pics too, but somehow weaved 9/11 in as well. Like, if he gay-texted someone saying 'Let's make twin towers!'"

No thanks...

"Come into my chocolate zone!"

Yes. Yes it is.

"Is it hate if they SHOULD be a minority?"

Sound reasoning...

"Maybe it's your greasy wop hair." Said to his WIFE.

Justice served?

"Well, she jumped a turnstile, so I raped her." -- Mrs. Graham (needless to say, he's been a bad influence)

Use Your Inside Voice (Inside Your Head That Is)

"They can almost vote!"

(Not inappropriate by itself, but considering he was talking about his wife's boobs, which he helpfully pointed out began developing 17 years ago, with company over, I think it qualifies.)

To paraphrase Joe Paterno...

"He was raped like that when I found him!"

The Wrong Way to Bake

"Don't tell me you've never dick-tasted something before!"

Our subject explaining away the hypothetical burns on his dick to an imaginary doctor.

Graham and Bourbon: A Potent Combination

Four forever-unquotables from the US vs. Japan women's World Cup final.

1) "Kristallnacht is happening in my soul." (As the US lost the game.)

2) "I would rear that child!" (When someone said they'd like to meet Hope Solo's parents, he thought they said they'd like to be Hope Solo's parents.)

3) "I want my wife to do her." (The context doesn't matter for this statement, AT ALL, but if you're curious: He was talking about Megan Rapinoe.)

4) "I'm verifying with an independent source that she's cute." (Checking with someone else to be sure that his wife was attractive: not an offensive statement, really, but surely an offensive action to take.)

TMI, Both Musically and Sexually...

"I can't ejaculate unless The Sounds of Murphy Brown is playing."

How to Ruin a Conversation About Whiskey...

While talking about the holes (should've known better than to talk about holes in front of Graham) that have to be placed in whiskey casks.

"I'll put a hole in a caskET, if you know what I mean...."

Forgot to post this tasty nugget earlier...

From a much earlier game of Banagrams, when Graham lost for probably the fiftieth time to Leslie:

"I'M GOING TO FACE-RAPE YOUR FACE-VAGINA."

It's a Delicacy, Trust Me...

"Kids are like human veal. They're much tastier."

On Combining Golf Courses with Cemeteries

No! I just want everything I don't use to be covered in graves, because I don't use it!

Boiled or steamed pudding, often with dried fruit.

"I used to like my friends, until they took the anal leap duff! Now they're ass-pregnant."

-after a rousing game of Bananagrams

Impersonating someone recounting all of his erections...

"Hey, you're my mom, but you're still stacked!!!"

During Trivial Pursuit...

Question (directed to someone else): What would an American cyclist call what his British counterpart would know as a mudguard?

helpfully suggesting: ...Labia???

Highway Baseball, the Sex Offender Version

"who's swinging at the kids?"

Miraculous Rooftop Camera Retrival

"if it's good enough for taking out babies"


in response to how well a kite string and coat hanger contraption worked to fish a lost camera out of a 4-story chimeny