The Wrong Way to Bake

"Don't tell me you've never dick-tasted something before!"

Our subject explaining away the hypothetical burns on his dick to an imaginary doctor.

Graham and Bourbon: A Potent Combination

Four forever-unquotables from the US vs. Japan women's World Cup final.

1) "Kristallnacht is happening in my soul." (As the US lost the game.)

2) "I would rear that child!" (When someone said they'd like to meet Hope Solo's parents, he thought they said they'd like to be Hope Solo's parents.)

3) "I want my wife to do her." (The context doesn't matter for this statement, AT ALL, but if you're curious: He was talking about Megan Rapinoe.)

4) "I'm verifying with an independent source that she's cute." (Checking with someone else to be sure that his wife was attractive: not an offensive statement, really, but surely an offensive action to take.)

TMI, Both Musically and Sexually...

"I can't ejaculate unless The Sounds of Murphy Brown is playing."

How to Ruin a Conversation About Whiskey...

While talking about the holes (should've known better than to talk about holes in front of Graham) that have to be placed in whiskey casks.

"I'll put a hole in a caskET, if you know what I mean...."

Forgot to post this tasty nugget earlier...

From a much earlier game of Banagrams, when Graham lost for probably the fiftieth time to Leslie:

"I'M GOING TO FACE-RAPE YOUR FACE-VAGINA."

It's a Delicacy, Trust Me...

"Kids are like human veal. They're much tastier."